It is a cliché that men can’t listen when woman talk. For sure men can listen to woman it is just not all that simple and easy. If however you really want to listen to a woman you will much easier succeed with the below insights.
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The Sound of Women
A 2005 study by the University of Sheffield has shown that “The female voice is actually more complex than the male voice, due to differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx between women and men, and also due to women having greater natural `melody´ in their voices.. This causes a more complex range of sound frequencies than in a male voice.
“When a man hears a female voice the auditory section of his brain is activated, which analyses the different sounds in order to `read´ the voice and determine the auditory face.
“When men hear a male voice the part of the brain that processes the information is towards the back of the brain and is colloquially known as the `mind´s eye´. This is the part of the brain where people compare their experiences to themselves, so the man is comparing his own voice to the new voice to determine gender.
Thus the brain gets tired quicker and the man doesn’t really listen to the woman anymore.
Solutions
The probably biggest false assumption in man woman conversation is that men think that a woman wants answers, solutions or a plan to solve the problem she is bragging about. This is fundamentally wrong. This might sound like a paradox to you – if you are a man – but you will have to live with the fact that even the best plan or solution – if taken to your female conversation partner will only result in the woman thinking she and her problem is not taken seriously.
So in short solidarity and compassion but no solutions or god beware antagonism.
Listen Actively
The American Psychologist Carl Rogers did come up with the concept of active listening. He states that authenticity and a open mind are fundamental basic requirements for a successful conversation. In fact good listening is 50% of the whole way – he says.
- Hearing is the first step -pay close attention to make sure you hear the message correctly.
- Interpretation: Make sure your understanding of the speaker’s message is accurate
- Evaluation. Ask questions, don’t jump to conclusions.
- Respond. Let the speaker know that you have heard them.
Another guru in listening and teaching of the dos and donts is the American Dale Carnegie – who’s books I love. He has a list of points to follow for good listening as you can see below.
- Stay focused on the conversation
- Listen for the important points
- Use eye contact and body language to show that
- you are paying attention
- Prevent yourself from interrupting
- Understand the other person’s point of view
- Ask clear, direct questions to gain understanding
- Use leading questions to gather more detail
- Hear buying signals every time
- Listen for and understand the importance of
- what’s not being said
- Practice patience when you listen
- Understand the prospect’s feelings
- Encourage prospects to talk freely
- Formulate solutions as you are listening (only when talking to male beings)
Now you would have to be a Monk to be so self centered and calm to follow all the rules – even so they all make sense if you read them.
The best advice is to stay calm and be aware of the fact that women are different.